Today is Memorial Day – the day we honor those fallen warriors from all our wars.

I find that I’m having a difficult time with this holiday.  I have a difficult time with all patriotic holidays that honor our nation’s service men and women.

It’s not that I’m anti-military – to the contrary – Big Al was in the Air Force for 20 years

and worked as a DAF Civilian

for another 13 years.  I appreciate and admire anyone who puts their life on the line for their country.  I even appreciate those who didn’t die in the service.  My father served in World War II

(in fact WWII is the reason for my existence, because he never would have met my mother if he hadn’t been in the army).  And obviously, Big Al didn’t die in Vietnam or Thailand during his time of service.

My problem comes from the time of Vietnam.  Al went and served in Vietnam and Thailand.  I stayed home and raised a son by myself.  The Air Force messed up his pay, and, but for my parents, my kid and I would have starved or been on the streets.  And I lost that year out of my life.  To this day, I have to consciously think about how old I am, or how old my son is (subtract year of birth from current year, etc.) because I blocked that year out of my memory.  I never heard the phone ring, or footsteps on the porch without steeling myself for the chaplain’s visit.  And after Al came home there were months of readjustment – to each other – to our family roles – to “normality”.  Unless you have lived through a time of separation when your spouse or sweetheart is in harm’s way for a significant portion of that time, you can’t imagine what it does to you.

My problem now with patriotic holidays is a holdover from that time.  Because when he came back there were no parades.  There were no partiots meeting him at the airport.  There were no prayers for his safe return in church.  There was no thanks from a grateful public.  He was required to travel in uniform, but as soon as he could he changed his clothes.  He didn’t wear his uniform to church.  He didn’t wear it in public at all, if possible.  Because he didn’t want to be spit on, or booed, or otherwise reviled.

So now, when the country has at last come to its senses and is once again appreciating the sacrifices of men and women in uniform, I have a hard time getting into the spirit.  Because I remember how it was when we were the ones doing the hard thing and serving our country, and we weren’t appreciated and loved and cheered.

4 thoughts on “Patriotism

  1. Pingback: Five things that made me happy today – 11/11/20 | An Aging Liberal Hippy from the Left Coast

  2. Pingback: Five things that made me happy today – 11/11/19 | An Aging Liberal Hippy from the Left Coast

  3. Absolutely right, Janet. All too often we confuse the dislike for wars and end up disliking those who are doing their duty by serving – just obeying orders that they have no chance of influencing.


  4. We are about the same age I think. I know somewhat of what you describe. We were on Ft Meade Army Base (2 or my children born there) during height of Viet Nam. I tutored widowed wives in GED. I stood in line a commissary with women whose husbands were on 3rd or more tours in Viet Nam. I was lucky. My husband was in Air Force and not sent to Viet Nam. Recently my son, now a major in AF, was sent to Iraq. But only for 6 months and at a desk job of sorts. We prayed he would be safe and not hit an IUD in a vehicle. He came home safely a few weeks ago. But I keep thinking of all those who came home in a coffin. I think of the woman in the Navy sent to Aghanistan to help build a hospital who was gunned down on base (see heysonnie’s tweet today). I know your pain a bit – I did not suffer as you did with my husband gone and small children at home. But I saw others who did. A hard time and wrong war, now “history” to kids in school. And mow we are at least 3 wars later. So thank you for your blog. It is good to remember what happened to our generation of servicemen and women. I actually find it stifling when someone says to me “thanks” for your son’s service. I think the war in Iraq and Afghanistan should never have occurred and my son is just obeying orders, not doing anything to preserve our freedoms. I can only hope all our efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan will result in something good for the people of those countries.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.